Prayers for Many Tomorrows

On the eve of an extremely stressful MRI, I find myself both struggling to stay sane yet remarkably capable of forgetting the possible ramifications of a scan that reveals devastating results. Why? Because I am at home. The phrase we all know so well – “home is where the heart is” – is one that has so many different and amazing feelings attached to it. For me, it is my safe zone. It is a place where I can walk through the door and instantly feel better; no matter the day I just had.

It has been almost two years since I have been able to be at home in the comfort of my wife and children during a scan. Fortunately, I am at home for this one. Brain tumors are devastating, even more so, I assume, if it is from metastatic disease. They take many treatments off the table including clinical trials. They mess with everything that is you. I mean, it’s your brain. It is what makes you, you. It controls everything you do and is suppose to be heavily protected through a barrier. If this lesion is in fact disease, my barrier has been compromised. Let’s pray it is no longer there coupled with no new findings.

I don’t wish this upon anybody. This August it will be 5 years of fighting and trying to make sense of everything. It still feels like the first day. It still feels like a balancing act of fear and joy; of pain and comfort; of life and death. I have lost so many beautiful people to disease over my journey. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t on the verge of tears every time I laugh and play with the kids, or every time I spend time with Andrea. We are stuck in a perpetual roller-coaster of emotions that will never let up. It will always follow us.

It hurts a lot. Really bad sometimes. But you pull through. You literally convince yourself that everything will be okay, and that God will take care of you. In all honesty, He has. Some days are a nightmare, but through prayer and God’s mercy, we have pulled through. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed due to pain or emotion or fatigue, but you pull through. God has given us an amazing marriage and two beautiful boys – the very reasons I am able to put one foot in front of the other and the sources of strength for this fight.

Tomorrow is a big day; one of the biggest to date. It will determine the very course of action we do next and the extent of this disease. We pray for an isolated incident of unknown cause. An abnormality that we will never know the etiology of, but we can live with that – literally and figuratively.

Please pray for an unremarkable MRI tomorrow. Please pray for comfort, peace, and understanding toward whatever tomorrow brings. Please, God, let my family and I be a living testimony of your grace, of your healing hand, and of your mercy.

MRI checkin is at 745am tomorrow morning. Scan to follow shortly after that. I should know by late afternoon what the results are. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

We love you.

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10 Responses to Prayers for Many Tomorrows

  1. Brenda Rice says:

    Ryan, keeping you and your family in my thoughts and hoping to hear positive news for you and your family.

  2. Leann Kirkendall says:

    I will be praying, as I do each day.

    We just arrived back home after going to Oklahoma City to see our local team go through three games at the state tournament. They won all three games and came
    home with the gold ball trophy.

    I am praying that you will emerge the winner with “gold ball” results when you do
    your tests tomorrow. Blessings, Leann

  3. Jac says:

    Many prayers to you, Ryan and family. Stay strong-stay positive. God bless you all.

  4. Rudolph Viljoen says:

    Ryon your are in my thoughts. Stay possitive, if there is live there is hope. I know it is tough.

  5. Judy Kozel says:

    Will continue praying for you, Ryan, and your family. Will be anxious for your results tomorrow. How much more can you be expected to endure???? Be Ryan Strong as you always are. I don’t now how you do it!! You are amazing! God bless you.

  6. Renee Levasseur says:

    I can relate to all your emotions. I will be praying for you tonight as I do every night. I have a scripture for this…but it’s late and I’m sooo tired. I will find it and post it for you. My mother always said offer up all your “sufferings” to God. I try and do this.

    God’s Blessings

  7. Carol Taylor says:

    Ryan every evening I pray the healing winds of Pentecost over your body believing that Gods awesome healing power will deliver you from what you are going through. I am standing with you in prayer that all will go well tomorrow, for by His stripes you are healed. God bless

  8. Judy Winter says:

    I love to read your postings – you are the strongest person I have ever known! Tears were shed today reading this heartfelt message from you. So glad you are at home for this procedure. I pray that you get good results – and that you will be able to handle whatever the result is – I know you will – although I don’t know how you do it! Thank you for being you and a continual inspiration to us all! I will join you in “prayers for many tomorrows!” You deserve it – and so does your family!

  9. Rachel Peters says:

    My prayers are always with you and your family <3

  10. kathy stehlin says:

    storming heaven as always .Ryan always love to hear updates you are such a strong man .keep thinking positive thoughts

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